SOUNDING OFF

July 21, 2019

Sounding Off

Some may have noticed that the mountain man (That is me. Seriously, I have no idea why I have taken to referring to myself in the third person.) has been noticeably absent of late, but elements of life have been keeping the old bugger occupied.  Hopefully he is back on track and ready to take up the reigns and steer this ship over the mountain and ride off into the sunset.  (Try to beat that for mixing metaphors; bet you can’t, so put that feather in your cap and smoke it.)  A series of related and unrelated events have occurred over the last few weeks (That is a really grim statement if one thinks about it.  One never knows if indeed these are the last few weeks. Perhaps over the previous few weeks is a more accurate sentiment. Less bloody doom-ridden –is that a word?-  ) I started a blog, obviously, I mean, that is why both of you are here; started a new job, or at least a new position (I hope it isn’t sitting.  Not my favorite position.  Why do we even say “started a new position?” If you are one of those Abercrombie models who pose in the windows as living manikins, well, then you can occasionally “start a new position.” “Yesterday I stood for eight hours with my hands on my hips. Today, hopefully, I can start a new position.  Why are they called “manikins” when they are usually women?  Just curious.); had my basement flooded, not once, not twice, but three times, taking out the water heater, though only twice, but I’m not complaining (Actually, you should have heard me complaining;  delicate ears beware. Raging would have been a better term for my behavior.  I am not proud.) Still one must evolve, accept change, and adapt.  In a sense, one must be like language, which strives to morph and adjust to be understood.  It is rarely successful at this.

Recently I sojourned at a rather architecturally unique beach house.  As much as I miss the 80s and my youth that accompanied the decade, this house looked like a location shooting for an episode of Miami Vice (and not one of the cool ones with the 80s rock star guests).  I won’t describe it; I don’t need to.  Watch any episode and find any party scene that is taking place anywhere other than on a yacht or at a club.  That is the house.  Not unpleasant, just very 80s.  (The place gave me the incredible urge to dress in plastic clothing, spike my hair, listen to Phil Collins, and  drink wine coolers.)  All of this is well and good, but this house is not in Miami.  It is not even in Florida.  It is in Rodanthe, North Carolina.  And to be honest (please, no one is perfect, not even essentially honest no ones), it was not so much a beach house as it was a sound house.  That is not to say that it is structurally fit, which it truly appears to be, but that it is on the sound side of the island, you know, the section between the shore and the mainland.  (I guess, technically, the ocean side of the island is also between the shore and the mainland.  It just happens that the mainland is Morocco.) When informed of the house’s location by the friend who had invited us down to join him for the week, I informed him that this was indeed a sound decision.  (He decided to rent a house on the Sound, so therefore, a ‘sound’ decision…get it? A ‘sound’ decision….) (Have you ever noticed how quiet it is on the Sound?  All of the sound is on the ocean, not the sound, which sounds fairly quiet, which really just sounds kind of crazy.)

Sound is a fairly strange word.  How the hell does anyone know what is being said in regard to sound?  As stated previously, I can make a sound decision, which is a good one, but if I receive a sound beating, that is a bad one.  If I sound in, I am making my opinion known.  If I sound off, I am still making my opinion known, it is just that many may not like the way in which I have chosen to do it. However,  if I am singing and I sound off, I may get auto-tuned to correct the problem (please, never auto-tune me). If I give you credible and usable information on the choice of audio equipment, have I given sound, sound advice?  If some other individual disagrees with my advice, can he or she sound off about sound, sound advice? (It is so confusing that Micro Soft Word just asked me why I had double “sounds”.  By the way, whatever happened to the little paperclip dude in Word who use to annoy you {now, for some unexplainable reason I have moved to the second person.  Why should I assume the little paperclip dude annoyed you just because he annoyed me?  Do paperclips, even animated ones, have gender? } every time you had to write a letter or resume?  I wonder if he found work as a memo clip, or succumbed to drugs as do so many who experience short-term fame?  Still, I digress.  Not a sound use of my time.)

Another word that has received a terribly terrible treatment in the language is the word ‘terrible.’ Because, and here is the point,  if I do something and I am terrible, I did it badly, correct?  If I do the dishes (Yes, I know we all have dish washers.  Just bare with me while I make my point.) and they still have food on them, then my job of washing the dishes was terrible.  If I am hired to pressure wash your house, and when I am finished it is still dirty, then my job was done terribly.  So, when I was in Baltimore the other evening and the Orioles were playing, I was told that they were losing terribly.  This confused me; if terribly and terrible mean to do it badly, were the Orioles winning or losing?  Wouldn’t “losing terribly” actually be winning?  Losing is the thing you are not doing well.  If I tell you that I have terrible luck, you will send me a frowny-face emoji, but if I tell you that I have been terribly lucky lately, you are going to ask to borrow cash. (I don’t carry cash. No need to even ask {insert frowny-face emoji here}).  People also say that the team has lost miserably, but seriously, who loses joyfully? Let’s face it, you just lost .   Someone can do something well, but that is not as good as doing it “terribly well…..”  How does that make any sense at all?  If I feel terrible I might want to see a doctor  If I feel terrible for you, then should you, perhaps, see a doctor? If I show up terribly early, am I late?  (By the way, if my vacuum sweeper really sucks, does that mean it is a good one or a bad one?)  Well, I have tried terribly hard to not do a terrible job and to write a sound piece about sounding off, that I hope doesn’t sound terrible.  Also, I wish to say that I am glad to be back, and that I have missed you all terribly (You figure it out….) Well, these are this week’s Fairly Random Musings of a Bohemian Mountain Man.  Peace….